Swastå Ani Mastå
Buy a big bright green pleasure machineMaxis
There are somethings that I feel I must stand up for, and the maxi is one of them. It is the refuge of the tall and the bloated. I love the sweep, the freedom of movement and the relaxed gait that comes with the territory. I especially love them on chubby women with an affinity for wicker bags.
This one is from TopShop and has a delicious ’70s thing going. The print looks like it belongs in your mother’s closet, and it probably does. Your mama hot.
Price: Rs 500 (Before bargaining. I’d say 250 to 300)
Where: Stall no 77
A colour to love and offset. Bright yellow and orange beads on a long string would do nicely, as would mother-of-pearl tablets on a silver chain. Or grunge it up with a white gunji inside and boots.
Price: Rs 200
Where: Stall no 96, Fashion Street, Mumbai
Warrior wear
Life is a battle and we must be appropriately dressed. For those bored of ballet flats, edge them out with a little hardware. Shake off the girly vibe you can’t afford to wear while battling for bargains.
But a gladiator has got to party sometimes. That’s when she breaks out these. I think these are all made of leather, but I’m not sure.
Price: Rs 250 (1 to 3); Rs 350 (4)
Where: Pioneer Shoe Stall, Opp Bank of Baroda, Colaba Causeway
Trenchcoat dress
I love everything about this dress — its outrageousness, the bold colour, the trench-coat styling that opens into a flared skirt. I think it would look great with a broad black belt, gloves, stockings and high-heeled Mary Janes. On someone else. If you are a secret agent, I suggest you wear this on your day off. Also available in black with neon yellow buttons and large sizes.
Price: Rs 200
Where: Stall no 96, Fashion Street, Fort, Mumbai
Slash-back top
Up front, you’re a prissy little girl with your high-neck, buttoned-up blouse and tic-tok shoes.
Up back, GASP! I CAN SEE YOUR ENTIRE BACK. Foxy! Also available in black. Tell me what you’d do for frontal support.
Price: Rs 150
Where: Stall no 96, Fashion Street, Fort, Mumbai
Would it?
I have been considering adding a section called ‘Just Masta’ to this website to showcase things that may not be cheap. Or DIY projects or stuff that has taken your fancy. Consider it a space we could talk about things we’ve discovered, without actually talking! You think that would work?
Hush Puppies’ Trisha
Says Faye: “I just got these in the post today and they’re so pretty and available at a quarter of the original price on Amazon UK. What’s better is that if you’ve got other bits and bobs to buy, you can add them all up to be eligible for free delivery. Unfortunately, they only have them in sizes 4 and 5, and they pinch ever so slightly if you have feet wider than what is standard for your shoe size. Doesn’t make them any less desirable!”
Price: £11.25
Where: Amazon UK
Cowl-necked tee
Hip-length tee seeks low-slung belt. Likes long earrings and parties. Has friends in white and black.
Price: Rs 100
Where: Stall at the corner of Leopolds, Colaba Causeway, Fort, Mumbai
Suede flats
Grey ballerinas that show just the right amount of toe-cleavage for the Sexy Librarian to wear on her day off. You go show those bows-and-frills girls.
Price: Rs 399
Where: Pax, opp Titan Showroom, Colaba Causeway, Mumbai
Retro aviators
After Y fronts, we’re taking another male bastion and pairing it with faded jeans. You may like them Princess-like, with heels and skinny jeans, but I wouldn’t try that with these; they’ll cut you with their tongue. Wear them retro style with a tee, satchel and Coverse. And don’t you dare iron your hair.
Price: Rs 1270 (with 25 per cent off)
Where: Fastrack outlets across India
Cheeky chaddis
You’re a fun girl. You could be the one girl… who doesn’t like lace and satin. And why should you? Frothy lingerie makes you itch. Do you secretly wear boxers? ME TOO!
Wear your love for Volkswagens on the front of your arse. And your love for peace on it.
Remember these? They’re TAPES! On boyshorts. Boyshorts tapes. What a great band name!
“I’M A PIMP. SEE? IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE ON MY UNDERPANTS,” said Tatya to her deaf grandmother-in-law.
“YES! I’VE BEEN A PIMP SINCE THE ‘60S. IT WAS GROOVY, BABY,” the conversation went. Those are mock Y fronts, for a mock pee with your mock pee-pee.
Price: Rs 99 each
Where: Pax, Colaba Causeway, Opp Titan Showroom, Mumbai
